After the aftermath of all the “Break The Rules” memes on the Internet Charlie is back with some more new music in 2016 – this time a real single. So let’s see how that goes. Listen with us to follow the timestamps, or tbh don’t.
00:01 – Wait I might’ve clicked on a wrong lullaby track instead of the actual song let me recheck
00:02 – Nope, got the right one. Oh god Charlie what’s happened to you…
00:10 – Please let there be an explosion of bass and beats of some sort don’t leave me with this piano please please please please please
00:12 – We hear an 808, I repeat we hear an 808.
00:13 – Does it make the song better though… ugh.
00:24 – This is… cute. A track title of clear drinking partying references appears to be on track, which is good.
00:35 – Maybe Charli was drunk when she recorded this what was the moaning noises?
00:40 – Oh this stopping motion when the whole backing vocals scream “stop” together is cool totally unique wordplay. Makes for a shit ton of awkward and cringe.
00:43 – THIS PIANO LULLABY IS THE ACTUAL CHORUS FUCK. No what happened to the trashy but amazing songwriter I saw in Boom Clapppp
00:53 – Well there is an instrumental added to it but still this sounds like something I cannot bang my head to, it’s a goddamn lullaby and party anthem hybrid for god’s sake!
01:02 – Artists these days thinking they can put out anything when they’re their own boss in their own record label smh
01:08 – Like look at this post-chorus this is made for drunk listening only and it’s not what I ordered!
01:13 – Second verse is coming so let’s pull up genius.com again because I cba to hear the lyrics myself 🙂
01:17 – “I want to make the best pop album of 2017” oh yeah you’re definitely slaying the pop world and alll the acclaim with your album if the lead’s coming on like this!
01:25 – Okay the verses in this song is actually pretty good but then the chorus always has to ruin it.
01:31 – Replacing the “clink” word with an actual clinking noise, smart.
01:38 – While the uhh-huh’s in the pre-chorus comes on again let’s look at what Charlie said about the song…
01:39 – “After The Afterparty is my brand new single about partying through eternity, into the afterlife and forever after!” Queen of managing to make “chugging 24/7 with dignity and consciousness out the window, hell yehhh” sound meaningful, I’m impressed tbh.
01:47 – I might be taking some shots at this point right now as well because the second chorus sounds more listenable! Maybe because the damn piano’s gone.
01:56 – I hear the autotune of some male artist… alright bring it on rapper I’ve never heard of before. Give it all you’ve got and maybe you can get a seat on some new Ari song.
02:13 – 1) that’s too much autotune even for a rapper 2) don’t drag whitney into this
02:17 – you’re singing now honey which is not your forte so run back to your own songs and I’ll go ahead and skip!
02:47 – I don’t actually know how but the monstrosity of the rap verse somehow transmitted on to this already horrible song, what is this bridge?
02:49 – What am I listening to…
02:54 – The “stop” before the chorus comes back again, let’s be real we know you don’t have a bomb ass drop waiting at the end of that silence so just give it to me.
02:58 – You did not bring a fucking xylophone chime into this.
02:59 – Time to go back to Lady Wood. Or RiRi on replay. Anything but this.
Honestly if you put a thing like this out after the other vroom vroom… thing a few months ago, time to take some damage control because that career is not going nice.